#015 How to Become a Confident Lobster
- By Erin Cobb
- •
- 11 Jul, 2018
In Episode #015 How to Become a Confident Lobster (without being an Arrogant A$$hole), we explore pulling the sword from the stone, the connection between inner and outer confidence, and the power of total abundance.
"Self Confidence is the most attractive quality a person can have, how can anyone see how great you are if you can't see it for yourself."
-Wendy Wasserstein
Pulling The Sword From The Stone
First you must unlock the mystery of self confidence. This is like pulling the sword out of the stone. Only the one true king can do it, but you just didn't know that was you the whole time because you were afraid to try.
You Cant Fake it (Confidence = Competence and Authenticity)
Embrace your truth-
It's easy to be confident when your words, thoughts and actions are in total alignment.
Confidence is a feeling. It’s a state of mind. It’s the perception that you lack nothing. That you are equipped with everything you need, both now and for the future. A person confident in their social life will feel as though they lack nothing in their social life. A person with no confidence in their social life believes that they lack the prerequisite coolness to be invited to everyone’s pizza party. It’s this perception of lacking something that drives their needy, clingy and/or bitchy behavior.
Just because somebody has something (tons of friends, a million dollars, a bitchin’ beach body) doesn’t necessarily mean that this person is confident in it. There are tycoons who totally lack confidence in their own wealth, models who lack confidence in their looks, and celebrities who lack confidence in their own popularity. So I think the first thing we can establish is that confidence is not necessarily linked to any external marker. Rather, our confidence is rooted in our perception of ourselves regardless of any tangible external reality.
Because our confidence is not necessarily linked to any external tangible measurement, we can conclude that improving the external, tangible aspects of our lives won’t necessarily build confidence.
Chances are that if you’ve lived more than a couple decades, you’ve experienced this in some form or another. Getting a promotion at your job doesn’t necessarily make you more confident in your professional abilities. In fact, it can often make you feel less confident. Dating and/or sleeping with more people doesn’t necessarily make you feel more confident about how attractive you are. Moving in together or getting married doesn’t necessarily make you feel any more confident in your relationship. So I will say it again, Confidence is a feeling. It’s a state of mind. It’s the perception that you lack nothing.
Confidence is a feeling. It’s a state of mind. It’s the perception that you lack nothing. That you are equipped with everything you need, both now and for the future. A person confident in their social life will feel as though they lack nothing in their social life. A person with no confidence in their social life believes that they lack the prerequisite coolness to be invited to everyone’s pizza party. It’s this perception of lacking something that drives their needy, clingy and/or bitchy behavior.
Just because somebody has something (tons of friends, a million dollars, a bitchin’ beach body) doesn’t necessarily mean that this person is confident in it. There are tycoons who totally lack confidence in their own wealth, models who lack confidence in their looks, and celebrities who lack confidence in their own popularity. So I think the first thing we can establish is that confidence is not necessarily linked to any external marker. Rather, our confidence is rooted in our perception of ourselves regardless of any tangible external reality.
Because our confidence is not necessarily linked to any external tangible measurement, we can conclude that improving the external, tangible aspects of our lives won’t necessarily build confidence.
Chances are that if you’ve lived more than a couple decades, you’ve experienced this in some form or another. Getting a promotion at your job doesn’t necessarily make you more confident in your professional abilities. In fact, it can often make you feel less confident. Dating and/or sleeping with more people doesn’t necessarily make you feel more confident about how attractive you are. Moving in together or getting married doesn’t necessarily make you feel any more confident in your relationship. So I will say it again, Confidence is a feeling. It’s a state of mind. It’s the perception that you lack nothing.
Inner Confidence Precedes Outer Confidence
- I've had issues with self confidence because I thought it was all about outer confidence (Fake it till you make it). Often times I OVER COMPENSATED for lack of confidence and didn't calibrate (Coming across like an arrogant asshole in the process).
- "The less confident you are, the more serious you have to act" - Tara Ploughman
- The Equation is very simple but not easy. Deserve the Person or Thing You Want. That's it.
- Live a life you're proud of
- Put in the work BEFORE the game
Rookie Mistake: Not Taking Advantage of Basic Biology/Psychology
- body
language
- eye contact
- taking up space
- Slow Down
- Caffeine
- Boosting Testosterone
- Be the person who introduces himself
- You don't get something for nothing, Deserve the Thing/Position/Person you want
Sources:
Mark Manson- The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck
Jordan Peterson - 12 Rules For Life
Pulling The Sword From The Stone - Prolapsed Pineal
David Deida- The Way of the Superior Man
Charlie Munger (Berkshire Hathaway)-Poor Charlie's Almanack
Remember: I don't have all the answers, I'm not a guru. Just a companion on the path.
What should I talk about next? Please let me know in the comments below.
Did you enjoy this episode? If so, please leave a short review.
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